Nobody chooses to have depression. Depression can control your mood, thoughts, emotions, and actions. What I wanted while I was at a low point was to feel something. I wanted to be in control of something. My mind was taken over, along with my actions. I would constantly shut down, sleep, or self-injure. I was miserable and didn’t want help because I was terrified of change. However, I ended up getting caught.
I was immediately forced into treatment, put onto a ton of medications, and started onto recovery. Not only does depression have side effects, but so does the medication the psychologist puts you on! It causes weight gain, increased depression, insomnia, increased appetite, abdominal pains, jittery feeling, drowsiness, and more. So, not only do you get stuck with a disorder, but now you have to deal with a bunch of other problems caused by medication. The worst part is, now you’re relying on a medication to make you happy. It terrifies me knowing that one day I will be taken off my medication, but it has to happen eventually.
Months passed, and I was already recovering. Then, I realized that I had to deal with a lot of random triggers. When my therapist told me I needed to identify positive coping skills, I thought that was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. I told myself, “All the other teens my age don’t have to do this, so I’m not.” What I didn’t realize was that throughout my depression, I was using coping skills. They were obviously negative ones, but everyone has coping skills that they don’t even realize they have.
Overall, depression is unfair, but once you identify the main reason you’re feeling so down, you face it. The more cooperative you are throughout treatment, the easier recovery is.
I guess the point of this is to point out that depression is not entirely your fault and you can get through things if you really work towards them!!
Hope everyone is having a great day 🙂